"Magdalena and I are gonna cross America on two motorcycles. We're gonna be so fucking cool, mirrors and windows will break when we pass by. We'll have our own hardcore theme music that makes us throw our heads back and bite the sky, and women wearing pink foam curlers in passing RVs will desire us and we'll slowly turn to them at seventy-five miles an hour and mouth "hello" back. Bugs may stick to my burgundy lipstick, but I'll just spit them back and they'll look all the prettier for it."
Tomato meets Magdalena when she runs over her cat with a rented Vespa scooter. They become friends (sort of) and set off to ride across the country on motorcycles. Neither one of them has a clue about motorcycles. A few days out they get into a fight over a dropped mess kit, and Tomato rides alone for the rest of the book.
Tomato is fierce, irreverent, has a filthy mind, and lacks what she calls an "appropriateness barometer." She gives her opinion on everything: Zen, gay porn, Harleys, therapy, body odor.
The book is printed in a funky crooked type face, and it's illustrated with ink stamps and bizarre little pictures of things like jello salad, puking cats, crabs, mummy cases, etc. Some of the little pictures are like jokes about the text, and some of them are just plain weird.
Every page has lines that would make great .sigs.
"Riding a motorcycle on a highway felt so unprotected, like being a naked method actor running alongside trucks and Pintos with forgotten turn signals."
"These were not the raping and pillaging kind of Canadian guys. They were family men who had desk jobs, lived with lawns, and I was their Stranded Biker Girl Experience."
"Everyone should get a Greek persona and blame everything they say on it."
"Even if you are an asshole, a Harley can be personality spackle in that it'll cover over any deficiencies."
I laughed and laughed as I read this book. If you're suffering from cabin fever, you're not too easily grossed out, and you enjoy really weird travel stories, this book makes some good light reading.